How to respond to people who hurt you

Everybody has been hurt at some point in one way or the other by someone. However, what matters is not the fact that we were hurt but what we do after that.  Instead of brooding over the pain and the person that hurt us or thinking of ways to get back at the person, there are ways that we can respond that would make the bad experience turn out for our good and the person that hurt us would realize his wrong at the end of the day. The best revenge is not hurting the person that hurt us; the fact that someone treated you badly does not mean you should treat them badly or treat other people bad because of the wrong someone did you. The Bible says we should not be overcome by evil but we should overcome evil with good. Getting back at someone for hurting us degrades us. We are much more than that.

One of the ways to respond to hurt is being and doing what they said or think you can’t do and not just that, being the best at it. Imagine how that teacher that thought you were the dumbest person in the world would feel when his son tries to apply for a job in your company. How sweet!

Another way I have learnt to deal with hurt is to be happy irrespective of what people have done to  hurt me and live life to the fullest as though they did not even exist and as if I was never hurt. Someone embarrassed you and treated you like trash; tell yourself you are not who that person says you are but who God says you are. Perhaps someone rejected you and didn’t think you are worth keeping; I want you to know that even if you are not precious in the eyes of someone, there is someone else out there that values you. The best feeling is when someone appreciates everything about you that someone else took for granted.

Imagine the look on the face of that person that said you can never amount to anything when he sees you soaring high and successful. How do you think the people who took you for granted and looked down on you would feel when they see how great you become?

Anytime you think about people who hurt you, forget about the hurt and work on proving them wrong. Show the people that said you couldn’t that you can. Show the people that said you were not good enough that they were too blind to see what you are really made of.

Make up your mind to be fine and happy in spite of their opinion. Don’t let the pain make you hate. Hurts will eat you up inside and reduce your capacity to reach your best. Don’t let bitterness steal your sweetness. Rise above the pain and bring out the treasure hidden inside of you.

 

 

 

 

It’s not all about you

I was walking by one day when I heard two friends arguing. One of them said something I know a good number of people are familiar with: ‘It’s my life. I can do whatever I want’.  That is a very wrong mentality that too many people have. The same wrong orientation many of us have imbibed and this goes a long way to influence our actions, decisions, approach and attitude to life. Whether we like it or not, our life does not belong to us alone. Even if we do not have family and friends or anyone close to us, there is no way someone will not be affected either directly or indirectly by the things we do.

Think of it this way, if you buy a plot of land and someone has a farm just next to you, would you say, “it’s my land;I can do whatever I want with it” and then, you wake up one day and decide to set it on fire without thinking of how it would affect the farm next to you? It can as well be likened to a drunk driver who gets an innocent road user involved in an accident; someone he probably doesn’t even know at all.

If you think your decisions and actions are your business and no one else’s, you need to think again. Life is not and will never be all about you.  Our choices and decisions do have ripple effects. Whatever choices and decisions you make, no matter how insignificant they seem, will not affect you alone but everybody around you. It will affect even people who do not know anything about the decision you made. A lot of people did not choose the circumstance and situations they find themselves in, but they found themselves there because of a decision someone made.

This is my charge to you: life does not revolve around you alone. Stop making decisions based on what you feel or what you think is in your best interest alone. Think about other innocent people around you that your life will affect.

Love is not a fight

It’s amazing how thin the line between love and hate is. One moment you feel like you can’t live without this person and the next, you can barely stand each other. Love is patient and kind. It is not selfish neither is it proud. Love is not easily provoked. It bears all things and endures all things.

When we love someone, it shouldn’t just be a feeling but a decision because the feeling would not always be there. There would be times when what we feel is nothing close to love. It is at such times that our decision to love that person will make us fight for our love and not fight each other. I want to share the lyrics of a song by Warren Barfield with you;it sums up everything I want to say:

“Love is not a Fight”

Love is not a place

To come and go as we please

It’s a house we enter in

Then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you

Throw away the key

Work it out together

Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in a raging storm

Love is peace in the middle of a war

And if we try to leave

May God send angels to guard the door

No love is not a fight

But it’s something worth fighting for

To some love is a word

That they can fall into

But when they’re falling out

Keeping that word is hard to do

Love is a shelter in a raging storm

Love is peace in the middle of a war

And if we try to leave

May God send angels to guard the door

No love is not a fight

But it’s something worth fighting for

Love will come and save us

If we’ll only call

He will ask nothing from us

But demand we give our all

Love is a shelter in a raging storm

Love is peace in the middle of a war

And if we try to leave

May God send angels to guard the door

No love is not a fight

But it’s something worth fighting for.

The Other Person

The desire to be understood is a trait that all human beings have in common. Regardless of the colour, race, status and background, everyone, no matter how tough seeks to be understood. Although some people may not want to admit, we all need someone who understands us: what we feel, how we feel and what we are thinking.

Our emotions is an integral part of us which affects other areas of our life. There are some people we consider to be so tough, those we think that nothing gets to them, but this is not true. Everyone has feelings. Though they might not show it; they might look all put together and perfect on the outside, deep down, they have pain and may be nursing some fears. This implies that we are all the same; we all have a need to be understood.

There is a kind of unending craving to be understood as precisely as possible. The question however, at this point is, if this need can be met. I would say , yes it can. There is at least one person that should understand us and I choose to call such a person “the other person”.

A lot of people are going through torture because “the other person” is not meeting their need to be understood. At this point, my question is, who is this other person? How did the person come to be “your other person”? Was it because the person was good-looking and hot? Or was it because he/she made you feel special and treated you like the only person in the world? Or you were so blinded by love that all you saw was everything on the outside and you didn’t bother to look a little closer at the inside? Do you really connect or the person is just fun to be with?

Not everybody can understand you. You must also note that it is not everybody that can feel what you feel; the fact that someone is cool and charming does not mean the person will be able to confront and resolve issues between you two when they arise because conflicts will come. It is only someone who truly understands you and understands how you really feel that will respect your differences, be considerate of your feelings and be patient with you. Only someone who truly understands you will stick with you and be there for you, regardless of the situation. So, who is “the other person” in your life?

“Dignity is as important as food”

Just as variety is the spice of life, every human has their unique peculiarities. Even identical twins are not exactly the same. Everyone is uniquely crafted by God as a result, we all have different temperaments and express our feelings in different ways. Some people are considered strong while some are considered weak; some are considered smart and some, not so smart. Some are easily taken advantage of while some know how to stand their ground.

For instance, would we say the strong ones are better than the weak ones? Or that the smart ones are more important than the not so smart ones? Absolutely not! No one is better than another or less than others. Nobody should see himself/herself in that light. You do not have the right to look down on another person or take others for granted because you think you are superior to them. Whatever you are or have today is because God granted you the grace so please treat everybody with respect.

Let me close with the words of Nigerian author, Chimamanda Adichie, who said, “let us remember that we are not just bones and flesh. We are emotional beings. We all share a desire to be valued, a desire to matter. Let us remember that dignity is as important as food.”

Life is a Test

 

Life is a school with different tests.  Through our actions and decisions, we write life’s tests. Different stages of life have got their tests. The whole of life is a test, nothing just happens. We may not know, everything that we go through in life is significant. We are constantly being tested: how we respond to people, success, situations, problems, conflict, disappointment, lack, illness, to mention a few, is very important. Tests are peculiar in that they test different aspects of our lives: our faith, integrity, love, obedience, character amongst other things. These tests most of the time are not the same for everybody but they are all geared towards making us stronger and better people. They are not meant to break us, but to build us up.

One very important test we all must face is the test of character.  The quality and strength of our character will be tested. What we do when we are alone; when nobody is watching may seem unimportant but those are actually the most important things because they reveal what we are really made of.

Another very important test that life will throw at us is how we act when we do not feel God’s presence. This is a test that is bound to confront every one of us at one point or the other. When things are rough and it seems we are all alone, what goes through our mind? When it seems like God has neglected us, do we curse Him or trust Him? God will never leave us; His presence is always with us even when we do not feel it.

Always remember that “no test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; He’ll always be there to help you come through it”(corinthians 10:13 MSG).

 

How to make the New Year count more than the previous

At the beginning of every year, we all expect to have a better year than the previous one. As a result of our expectations for the New Year, we make resolutions. During such period, we have no doubt about being able to follow through with all our decisions and resolutions.  On the contrary, many people do not end the year with the same drive that they started with. As the days turn to weeks and weeks turn to months, all the drive of the first few days of the year fade away and it becomes like every other year.

Some people are happy with the way 2016 went for them, while some are not happy with the way things turned out. Whether last year ended well or not does not matter anymore because it is now in the past. What we have to do now is to plan and strategize on how to make this year a better one and avoid repeating the mistakes we made in 2016. We need to seize every opportunity to make it a better year than 2016.

Though we may not have what we want or be where we desire to be, we are not where we used to be. The good news is that there are better days ahead, with the right attitude and actions, we can make the future far better than the past or the present. Dust off all disappointments and focus on the New Year and all the good it has to offer.

One more thing, life is never fair so stop thinking that life is favoring some people more than you. Whatever you get out of this year is your responsibility.  Brace up: work at making the best use of every situation you find yourself. Be determined to come out stronger in the face of every challenge. Get ready for your best days so far.